"But I returned that item".
I hear this refrain over and over and over again, much like the title words of "Blinded by the Light". Patrons insisting that they BROUGHT that book back, that our technology is FLAWED, that we are incomptetent IDIOTS WHO ARE CONSPIRING TO EXTRACT MONEY FROM HONEST CUSTOMERS and that really, the book was in with a pile of others that they returned on the same day. Together. In a bundle. With the others. And they repeat this in varying voices, tones, and threats over a period of five minutes before I interrupt with a placating smile.
"Okay sir, what I can do is put it in claims return. What that means is I take it off your account for 60 days, we look for it in the library and we just ask that you glance around your house and car before the 60 days is up". Why don't you get off your lazy ass and check under your couch cushion where your kid wedged it in between sessions of Dora the Explorer?
"I guess I don't have to talk to the manager then". Fuck off "Yeah, okay. Because I definitely returned it."
"I understand. Have a great day." Bullshit. You'll be here tomorrow with a sheepish look on your face and the book in your hand, because when you went out to the car you realized it was on the passenger seat.
I think its important to note that I really don't swear a lot out loud, but I am a horrible, mean person inside my head.